The first time I heard the news about college reopening, I was bubbling with excitement. The opportunity to get away from my house, live on my own, explore the world, seemed way too alluring.
But who knew I would feel a rollercoaster of emotions as the day to leave for college started coming closer?
When the initial excitement started fading away, a new numbness had started to set in. I couldn’t possibly describe how I was feeling because I wasn’t really feeling anything in the first place. Everything seemed too surreal.
Just like all good things, even the numbness didn’t last forever and I was left feeling anxious and nervous. About what? I’m still not sure.
There are so many things to consider, I’ll be leaving my parents, my family behind and who knows when I’ll come back. I haven’t been the perfect daughter but god forbid they need me and I’m miles away? What am I going to do then? As they say, goodbyes are hard, even for someone like me who’s got a thousand attachment issues and don’t really care about people or the world in general.
Sure, my overdramatic ass is exaggerating things and I’ll probably be back in a few months but nothing will ever stay the same no. Once I’ve set foot outside my home, there will be no truly coming back. There are these few years of college then there’ll be jobs and whatnot. Ah!
I’m thrilled about starting this new stage of life but am I ready to leave everything behind? Am I okay with knowing that there are so many roads unpaved in my own city that I might never get the chance of exploring? So many favorite places that I might not get the chance of ever revisiting? So many people that I promised to meet but maybe would never get the chance to as the distance is going to set in and we’ll drift apart?
Does this post come with a positive ending? No, not really. I mean, there’s not much to say. Changes are hard but I guess, they’re well needed. There’s only so much you can grow if you stay limited to your roots. And of course, there’s the fun of exploring unchartered territories, meeting new people, learning new things that are going to keep me going.
The coin has two sides and so does this, really depends on what side I’m looking at.
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